Jean-Paul Delcorde
Jean-Paul Delcorde, 65, is the director of Le Refuge, a home in Lillois for children who have mental, physical or social difficulties
Thirty-eight years ago, I returned to Belgium from Morocco, where I had been a teacher for four years, but I didn’t want to teach anymore. My sister worked at Le Refuge, and one day I volunteered to help. When I arrived, I knew that was where I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I have been there ever since. I’m now sixty-five.
Le Refuge is a home for children who have mental or physical handicaps and for those who have been referred to us by the Department of Justice. Of the 30 children who now live at the Refuge, 23 were sent to us by the justice department because they had been sexually or physically abused or abandoned by their parents.
Le Refuge has been around for over fortyfive years; it became a ‘Centre de Pédagogie Curative’ in Brussels in 1965 and moved to Lillois, near Braine l’Alleud, in 1971 after the Lion’s Club of Brussels helped us to buy a ‘château’. At first, Le Refuge only had five adults for the 27 children it housed, but today there are 27 adults for 30 children, including a psychologist, a speech therapist, a physiotherapist and two teachers, appointed by the state, to assist the children in maths and French.
Years ago, the children used to stay at the château all day and received their education there too. However, in 1984, we felt it was better for them to go to school outside the château to see that they are just like everyone else. Some must attend special schools for the physically or mentally handicapped, but they all go to school from 8.30 in the morning until 15.30 in the afternoon.
When children come to us, they have been abandoned by their family or taken away from it by the court. The situation is very difficult. They are often aggressive and afraid. We have to offer them good examples of behaviour and we have to teach them to be responsible. If a child has been abused by his father, I can show them that not all men behave like that. For some children, though, it is a matter of teaching them that “no” means “no” and “yes” means “yes,” which they have not been taught. We act like parents, but there is never any humiliation or physical punishment.
We have one boy whose mother died and whose father is in prison. His father was sent to prison before the child was born and he has never seen him. For months, he was very difficult. He fought at school. He was very aggressive with the other children. I told him, “you are intelligent enough to choose another solution. Your friends will remain good friends.” Now, he is at the top of his class, with distinction.
Many of the children have contact with their parents. They see them on the weekend or on holidays, but not until the parents have entered therapy, alone and with the children. The goal is to reunite the children with their parents, but that takes time, and it must meet the court’s approval. The parents must understand why what they did was wrong.
The average length of time a child stays with us is four years, but in extreme cases, such as sexual abuse, the child can never return to his or her parents. We try to find families to adopt the children, or they stay with us until they are eighteen, when they must leave to live on their own. But we prepare them to live responsible lives. Of the 450 children who have passed through here over the years, only ten have developed problems such as alcoholism or drug addiction or gone to prison after leaving.
Our philosophy is that every child is worthy of respect and therefore must be treated with dignity. The children who come to us must not feel that they are alone but that they are part of a larger family and social environment. We teach the children to act outside the château the way we do inside. In that way, we make them capable of having their own family some day. I believe no one is incapable of having a family. It is the small choices, the small changes, we make that are the most important.
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Comments
Thank you.
Just wanted to express my deepest respect and to thank you for your work ...