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Kids and new person in my life....


Good day one and all,
I bit of an awkward question but here goes.......
I have separated and live on my own and I see my children at weekends....
I have met someone new in my life of recent and all is well & swell !!! ;-)
My new flame in my life lives at distance and we met-up on regularly. My new flame is aware that I have children and is ok with the fact the they are seeing me, etc. We manage our lives so to speak.
My question is when is the “ideal” or “appropriate” time to “meet the kids” ?
This is something that is a bit of a concern to me as I do not want to rush too soon.....
They are aware that I am seeing someone else and have seen my talk and use the usual smartphone forms of communication but I do tend to call in private.
I have photos of my new partner and I am thinking about not having them on display as it could not just create curiosity with my children but there are other matters attached.
Guidance and thoughts appreciated!
Thanks !


Sorry it has been 3 months since being together so it is early....

Mar 2, 2018 07:37

I would say 1 year is appropriate just to be sure your new relationship is solid.

Mar 2, 2018 09:33

Much depends on the age of your kids.
If they are teenagers they will be well familiar with parents separating and, sooner or later, having new partners who may become part of their lives.
If they are younger they are more likely to be totally confused that they now only have one parent at home.
Also, what is the attitude of the parent with whom your kids live? Is the presence of a third party in the kids lives going to be accepted or will it cause unnecessary friction for the kids to have to cope with?
I think the best course is to let the kids know that there is someone new in your life without making a big deal out of it and see how they react.
Finally, what about the new 'flame',? How keen - or otherwise - are they to be involved with your children?

Mar 2, 2018 10:25

No one reply to this, you know your children what do you mean meet? Let’s go to dinner or let’s all spend a weekend camping? Also it depends why you are alone. Was this your choice your partners? What do your children understand about it. Also be aware that child abuse by people brought in as second partners is highly statistical. I’m not saying your new beau is likely to do this but do be aware and mega vigilant. You know your children best, trust your own judgement not that of strangers.

Mar 2, 2018 10:56

Thank you all for your replies so far!

@ kasseistamper
Well my two kids ages vary - one is 8 and the other is 13.
Only one of kids has said hello to my new partner whilst i was on my smartphone video call - they came to speak to me and just politely said hello, etc. I assumed that they then just innocently mentioned it to their older sibling, who in turn may have said something to my ex, to whom they both live with. I will at some point "inform" my ex that I shall be in the future with someone else who will eventually meet my kids. I have an idea that my ex is seeing someone else (good for them, their private life, etc) BUT I would like to know that my kids are coming into contact with another person. My older child seems to smirk about this but it is a bit of a potential hypercritical approach of my ex but anywayI have not said anything to my kids (offically) just yet nor to my ex. I wish to take things gradually and I firmly believe that is the way.
My new partner is very flexible and understanding with me - (apart from the opinion of my new partner who has never been in a relationship with another person who has children, they find the fact that I have kids very attractive and understand that I want to naturally spend time with them). The new partner understands fully that this is important and when I need the time to do what i need to do,etc the kids are No 1 and that they understand fully. My partner has said that as and when they visit me and should I have the kids then they will go stay with a friend.
I have as yet to discuss the detail with my new partner but I feel that they are keeping a polite distance for the moment. I believe that it is a sensitive detail to discuss I shall be visiting them soon so when I have 5 mins to talk.......

I post this question with hope that I have some form of "guidance" or "opinion" so to speak.
I hear what you are saying but if someone else reads my Q then I think that they can reply....

Respectfully thanking you !

Mar 2, 2018 12:06

You're still married.
At least wait until divorced and I'd say at least 1 year minimum, but why does your other person need to meet the children?? This person is not the parent.

Mar 2, 2018 18:07

And yes CC-R is sadly correct, step parents are statistically the biggest abusers of children.

Mar 2, 2018 18:08

Not married.

Mar 2, 2018 21:24


Mar 2, 2018 21:25

Then you are not separated, if you are not married.

There is no reason whatsoever that your children need or should see your girlfriend/boyfriend.

If your children lived with you, as is usual in Belgium, you can quite easily spend half your time with your children and half your time with your girlfriend/boyfriend.

Don't make the lives of your children even more difficult. They have 2 parents, they should have the right not to have to share the time with their parents with another adult, especially since your children do not live with you and you have enough time already with your new partner.

Mar 2, 2018 21:49